Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
