Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
