How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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