youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
