so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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