I am puke
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
