Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
