So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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