Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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