"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Operation Purity has been aborted
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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