Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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