im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
