I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize