Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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