and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
