I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
