You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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