You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
