Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
