i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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