she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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