people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I see more hoeing in ur future
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