Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
