You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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