Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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