think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
