Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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