he puts the penis in happiness.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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