Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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