There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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