i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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