he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
