And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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