Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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