What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
