it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize