Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
