so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there was a trapeze. enough said
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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