Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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