dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
