is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
