Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
