I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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