Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
