We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
