i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
