i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
