No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
