watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
