Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
