Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
