You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
