Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
