chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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