Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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