If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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