I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
