wrigley field is MILF paradise
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
