please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
