dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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