Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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