If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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