I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
