so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
