I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
