talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize